As published in the December 2013 Central PA Hibu publications
Life is much more manageable when thought of as a scavenger hunt as opposed to a surprise party.- Jimmy Buffett
I don’t mean to bring the mood down, but the holidays
aren’t as much fun as when I was a kid.
Frankly, I don’t look forward to them at all. I really dislike the month of December. I’m fortunate to have all of my family nearby
so that I don’t have to travel a long way, but there’s still lots of
preparation for meals, presents to buy, parties to plan for and attend, the
Christmas cards, all of these things that have deadlines (anyone who knows me
knows that I’m not great at that). There
are several birthdays in December (including my own) that need considered, and
business obligations that need tended to before the end of the fiscal year. These are the things that are the constants
year after year, no matter what else is going on. Its only
when December and the holidays come around that you start thinking about things
that have happened over the past 11 months.
I lost my last 2 grandparents this summer- my grandfather, whose
birthday is in December, passed away in early June, and of course, Grandma Jo
left in August. For me, that’s when it starts
to hit home. Both Mom and Dad are
without parents for Thanksgiving and Christmas for the first time. When
my stepson passed away 6 years ago, that first Thanksgiving without him was the
toughest for my husband’s family. So my
brain starts getting into those planning stages, not only to cope with the
stress, but also with the grief that holidays can bring. You can’t exactly take it off your schedule
so that you won’t have to deal. So where
can I find my comfort this year?
Obviously with family, the only people in the world who can understand
my feelings, because they share them with me.
But my crew and my husband’s crew are quite different in their own
ways. My inlaws are the
Sicilian-Korean-Catholic New Yorkers. Every
Christmas Eve has been pretty much the same since the family came to this
country in the 1920’s. Fish dinner that
includes all of my father-in-law’s Mediterranean tradition with my
mother-in-law’s unique Asian touch, relatives coming from out of town crammed
into their tiny dining room elbow to elbow, just like it used to be in my
husband’s Bronx childhood. Wine and
conversation deep into the night, games, laughter, eating until you are ready
to burst. That’s every single Christmas
Eve, and there’s a comfort that comes with that consistency. But on the other side of the mountain,
literally and figuratively, this is will be the first holiday for the Perry
County side that will be missing an entire generation at the table. We’re a small (but rowdy) crew as it is, so
the loss of two will be felt more than ever this year. My sister and I already started talking with
Mom about it, and we’ve pretty much decided that we’re going to let my young
niece and nephew decide how we’re going to do it this year. Maybe we’ll have pancakes and bacon for
Thanksgiving dinner instead of turkey, followed by a Wii Sports Championship
Tournament. Why not? Sounds like
fun. Let’s keep it exciting, bring some
carefree kid-ness back into it. Take a
break from licking our emotional wounds, make some popcorn garland and decorate
the pine tree in the backyard for the deer that come through in the early
evening. We may enjoy it so much that we
can create new family traditions that my niece and nephew can pass to their
kids. Even the Sicilian traditions with
their “old country” roots had to start somewhere. Despite the fact that both sides of my family
are very different, we all find comfort together because we share the same
human experience. We should embrace the new and the old, finding our own happy place
within it all. And it’s not going to be
gift wrapped under the tree. Sometimes
you have to go make it yourself.
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