Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Wrinkles in Time: What I've Learned So Far

Happy Birthday to me.  

Big number 36 is fast approaching.  I like to think I'm holding up pretty well overall, but there are obviously some issues associated with middle age.  Some observations I've made over the past few months have come from both supportive and not-so-supportive family and friends. Sometimes I learn the most about myself and priorities by the latter.

1.  I'm putting on weight.  Good thing layers are in style.  And according to Jimmy Buffett, wrinkles only go where smiles have been.  Who says I'm pessimistic? 

2.  The number of varicose veins you have correlates directly with the number of sarcastic comments you really really want to make in the course of a day.  

3.  Even at age 36, poop jokes are still funny.  

4.  My husband can now trade me in for two 18 year olds.  

5.  There is a strange dynamic that exists- I definitely care less about what others think of me, yet I find that I am becoming more opinionated, even harshly critical.  Too early to be a crabby, bossy old lady, I need to be at least my mom's age for that (her sense of humor remains intact fortunately). More than 50% of my gripes are little things, and less than 10% of them are any of my damn business.  

6.  In many aspects of life, such as saving money for retirement, raising children and getting an education, "shit just got real'.  It really is the moment of truth, time to see how badly I have screwed up over the last 15 years.  

7.  My teenage stepsons don't get O.J. jokes, they haven't the slightest idea who Christopher Reeves is, and singing "I'll tell ya what I want what I really really want!" when placing my order at a restaurant goes over like a lead balloon.  

8.  BINGO with my mother, aunt and sister is starting to become something that I am looking forward to.  When I was a kid, Mom and Aunt Sharon were thrown out to the fire hall parking lot for being mouthy.  Sounds like my idea of a good time.  

9.  I am told that I have reverted back to the teenage mentality that I know everything.  Either I will eventually grow out of it or others will come to just accept this as fact.  Either way, I consider it personal growth.  

10.  Some of my efforts to stay young and modern end up really demonstrating how middle aged and out of it I really can be.  I still say "Cool beans!" when the guys come home with good news, and I fight the propensity to call my grandson "Little Dude".  I know I can't control the world, and protecting our little ones from all the evil that will inevitably tempt him is not possible, but if things go smoothly in his upbringing, he will go through life without ever seeing a Pauly Shore film, thus maintaining the high IQ with which he has been blessed with by virtue of genetics.  That's a job well done.  

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